I Just Had a Break-Up, Now What?

By: Sonia Herrera, LMFT

After a break-up, we typically feel hurt, damaged, ashamed, and guilty. This is quite normal since we try to understand what went wrong and what we did to cause the break-up? Immediately after, we question ourselves: what were the mistakes I made? What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t this person love me etc.? Why wasn’t I enough? When a breakup occurs, it is essential not to take complete blame for the break-up. Instead, it is necessary to reflect on yourself, look back at the relationship, and wonder where there are any red flags I overlooked? Was I being treated fairly? Did I lower my expectations for this person and this relationship? We often get blinded by the idea of being in love and loving someone and having that person loving us back; however, the fantasy you have created might not be the reality you were living in. Although a lot of this reflecting and soul searching seems like we are being critical of ourselves, you must remember another person was involved in this relationship with you. They too should be accountable for why the relationship did not work out. Rather than focusing on all the mistakes you have made, it is beneficial that you work on yourself and focus on how you want to become a better version of Yourself so, in turn, you can attract people who match your energy and your confidence. Lastly, remember breakups are difficult and painful, but there is a great lesson we can learn from any breakup so that you can be ready for the next adventure with the “right mate,” stay positive and remember there is plenty of fish that will bite your bait. P.S. Make sure to seek support from family and friends after you break up. If not, seek professional help through a therapist.