Grief and Loss
By Cassandra Garduno LMFT
“The death of a beloved is an amputation”
C. S. Lewis, ‘A Grief Observed’
Life after death of a loved one is like snowflakes, although it appears we may see similarities with others on our grief journey and have shared experiences. Grief will always vary in how we each experience our own journey and how we individually process it. Thus, making it impossible to have two identical snowflakes. Grief is a complex process and can be overwhelming when we are experiencing physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual responses to the loss.
At times the crushing weight of it feels like something is sitting on your chest and breathing can be difficult, or at times every breath leads to a sharp pain. You can rapidly alternate from intense emotional reactions to loss of interest and numbness. The noise of it can be so loud that it makes it difficult to hear others or concentrate. The should haves, would haves, could haves are tied to immense guilt over things done or left unaccomplished. The loss may have the ability to change our beliefs or values and leave you on a search of trying to establish new meanings.
Your grief can cause strain on those who are closest to you, because those with well-meaning intentions may say the stupidest stuff in attempts to make you feel better. It only makes you feel worse. Others will keep track of time as if it is a business transaction and wanting you to punch a time clock because your mourning period should be time limited. Forcing you to feel their need of wrapping it up to make others feel more comfortable. No one warned you that with loss comes the permanent feeling that something has been amputated and you will spend the rest of your life adjusting to the loss of the limb. Over time it will get easier, but your will never get over it.
No one tells you that all this intensity is normal, and you may spend most of your time feeling like you are losing it. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and although this journey is painful it is something you must go through. You will grieve and mourn the loss to the
depths of how much you loved your loved one. One day as you go through the process, you will look back with peace. You will always have a continual reminder that the person you loved may be gone. There is beauty in grief that although it was painful, it beats the alternative of never having your loved one in your life.