• HOME
  • LOCATIONS
  • ABOUT
    • BOARD OF DIRECTORS
    • Administrative Staff
    • Mental Health Clinicians
      • City of Industry
      • Downey
      • Corona
      • Anaheim
      • Sacramento
    • ABA Team
    • Clinical Psychologists
    • Occupational Therapists
  • THERAPY AT HTG
    • Counseling Services
      • Individual Counseling
        • Adult Therapy
        • Teen Counseling
        • Child Therapy
        • Child Play Therapy
      • Couples Counseling
      • Family Counseling
    • Mental Health
      • Therapy for Depression
      • Therapy for Anxiety
      • Therapy for Trauma
    • Psych Assessments
      • Autism Assessments
      • Depression & Anxiety Testing
      • Intellectual Disability
      • ADHD TESTING
    • Social Skills Groups
    • Autism & Developmental Disorder
      • ABA THERAPY
      • Social Skills Groups
      • Speech Therapy
    • IOP/ Substance Abuse
    • Telehealth Services
    • LGBTQIA+ Therapy
  • BLOG
  • LINKS & RESOURCES
  • CONTACT
  • Client Portal

Heredia Therapy Group

  • HOME
  • LOCATIONS
  • ABOUT
    • BOARD OF DIRECTORS
    • Administrative Staff
    • Mental Health Clinicians
      • City of Industry
      • Downey
      • Corona
      • Anaheim
      • Sacramento
    • ABA Team
    • Clinical Psychologists
    • Occupational Therapists
  • THERAPY AT HTG
    • Counseling Services
      • Individual Counseling
        • Adult Therapy
        • Teen Counseling
        • Child Therapy
        • Child Play Therapy
      • Couples Counseling
      • Family Counseling
    • Mental Health
      • Therapy for Depression
      • Therapy for Anxiety
      • Therapy for Trauma
    • Psych Assessments
      • Autism Assessments
      • Depression & Anxiety Testing
      • Intellectual Disability
      • ADHD TESTING
    • Social Skills Groups
    • Autism & Developmental Disorder
      • ABA THERAPY
      • Social Skills Groups
      • Speech Therapy
    • IOP/ Substance Abuse
    • Telehealth Services
    • LGBTQIA+ Therapy
  • BLOG
  • LINKS & RESOURCES
  • CONTACT
  • Client Portal
10 Aug 2020
Relationships

Gaslighting

By: ASHLEE WONG, M.A., MFT

Whenever people are prompted to think of an abusive or unhealthy relationship, there are several common characteristics that are recognized as unhealthy. An unhealthy relationship is commonly recognized when there is physical or sexual violence, extreme limitations of finances, and social isolation from everyone but the abuser. However, there are often more subtle or less accepted signs that are easily dismissed because the previously mentioned characteristics are not present. Therefore, people tend to stay in an unhealthy relationship far longer than they would choose on their own. Discussions on these additional signs are vital to raising awareness not only to avoid these characteristics in a partner but to then actively choose partners who treat us with love and respect rather than power and control. 

Gaslighting is among the most common aspects of an abusive relationship that I see in my work with clients. When someone is gaslit by their partner, they are made to believe whatever abuse exists is their fault. Minimization of the responsibility from the abuser ensures control over the survivor. It gives the survivor hope that the abuser will change if they work hard to change their behaviors without equal effort from the abuser. In families with unhealthy relationships, children can often be used to exert power from the abuser towards the survivor. This can range from guilt about the survivor’s parenting skills to threats of taking the children away entirely. Other threats that might go unrecognized as abuse can include the abuser threatening to commit suicide if the survivor leaves, making the survivor drop charges if they do move forward with legal action, or even the insistence that the survivor commit illegal acts to retain the abuser’s “love”. 

Power and control often lie at the heart of an abusive relationship but this is not the only way to be with your partner. Equality and fairness are the key traits of being in a healthy relationship. Often, the signs for an equal relationship are the complete opposite of what is seen in an abusive relationship. Partners who are equal and fair communicate by listening non-judgmentally, affirming their partner’s emotions, taking accountability when appropriate, and being truthful in all situations. Physical interaction is requested rather than demanded or taken without consent. Equal partners share the responsibility of making decisions from finances or how to raise children. Whenever there is a disagreement about these decisions, equal partners seek to find a mutually satisfying compromise that allows both of them to get as much of their desires as possible.

Written By: ASHLEE WONG, M.A.,  Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist 103135.  Supervised  by Dr. Joselyn Josephine Ayala-Encalada Psy.D., Licensed Marriage and  Family Therapist 96987

0 Comments
Share

You May Also Like

Compassion and Grace Towards Self

June 2, 2019

Building Healthy Relationships Through Boundary Setting

January 16, 2023

Triggered?

November 29, 2021

When is Couple’s Therapy Not Effective?

December 20, 2021

Leave a Comment

Previous Post
Parenting in the Pandemic
Next Post
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships
  • HOME
  • BLOG
  • CONTACT
  • Privacy Policy
  • Join our Team

Heredia Therapy Group Site Powered by Pix & Hue.