Break-Ups & Mental Health Tools

Written by: CLARICE STOUT, MA

Break-ups, separation, and divorce can be a really difficult time in life and we can sometimes feel the emotional and physical impacts when break-ups do happen. Here are some ways that can help with your mental health for anyone going through a hard time with a break-up. According to healthline.com people deal with break-ups in different ways, where some people may experience low mood and depression, and some may feel numb and try not to feel anything. Either way it is heartbreaking, and it can feel like your world is upside down and you may be dealing with an array of different emotions, and that is pretty typical to feel at times. It is perfectly okay to grieve a relationship which may make you feel sometimes, sad, mad, fearful, or your sleep being off balance. With time your emotional state will improve with healing and patience. Sometimes with break-ups we have this internal dialogue in our head going over the “what ifs” or “what could have been different” etc., those dialogues are okay to have but we want to make sure that those thoughts do not continue to consume us for a long period of time that become debilitating.  

Although are mental health can be affected in different ways with a break-up a really helpful tool to get through those times is first talking about it with someone you trust. Being able to let things out about your transition with a break-up can help you feel like you are releasing something. That could be talking to a sibling, aunt, parent, best friend, and or therapist. There is never anything wrong with talking about it with someone! Also, getting rest is perfectly okay! You might feel emotionally exhausted and sometimes even physically tired going through a separation and allowing time for you to rest your eyes and head is okay. You should allow yourself personal self-care time and not feel bad about catching up on rest or taking a nap to give your mind a rest, especially if you have been crying. 

Although resting can be a good tool, you may also want to find a balance in finding something that feels good to you, even if that is at least opening up the door and feeling the sun on your skin for about 10 minutes, going on a walk, reading a book, talking to a friend or family member, or getting a coffee or tea for yourself. It is important If you can surround yourself with loved ones, and or keep in contact with those that you feel close to. It is also perfectly okay to keep yourself strong by reminding yourself why the relationship needed to stop, especially if it is your goal to not go back to that relationship. One tool I would recommend for this is making a list of why the relationship won’t work to keep yourself on track with your goal. Break-ups take time and the healing process is different for everyone no matter how long the relationship was. 

There are many tools out there that help people get through these tough times. One last tool to help with your mental health in regard to break-ups is self-help books or videos for break-ups. Sometimes listening to other’s experiences or hearing positive words from self-help books or videos can be really powerful in helping with your mindset. I personally would recommend the book called “It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken” by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Finding what works for you in a healthy way during a break-up is perfectly fine as long as you are trying to grow and heal, and with time you will feel different, and you will feel better. Also, it is perfectly okay and can be beneficial to reach out to a mental health professional to help process these types of transitions/hard times. 

Written by: CLARICE STOUT, MA, IS A REGISTERED ASSOCIATE MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST #107743, WORKING UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF DR. KARLA HEREDIA, PSYD, LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST 92394.